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October 15, 2008

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Bourjaily: My Dog Ate the _________?

When you have dogs, you spend a lot of time cleaning up after them. In the process, you learn more about their dietary habits than you ever wanted to know. For instance, I can tell you that Jed loves to eat foam earplugs even though I’ve never actually seen him with one in his mouth.

It could be worse. The earplugs pass through his system intact, and the day-glo foam stands out like little beacons in the backyard, making it easy to spot the messes for clean up.

Ike, my old dog, has a nose for chocolate. A few years ago my mom sent each of my boys a pound of chocolate coins for Christmas. She neglected to tell us what was in the boxes, so on Christmas Eve we put them under the tree with the other gifts. We came home after midnight mass to find Ike had torn open both packages, carefully unwrapped every single coin, and eaten them all.

Chocolate is supposedly deadly poison to dogs, I dialed my vet’s emergency number and woke the doctor on call at 1:30 Christmas morning. She was very nice, considering. She asked me what kind of chocolate it was – milk (not so bad) or dark (very bad)  – did some calculations and told me two pounds of milk chocolate was nowhere near the lethal dose for a 62-pound setter, although it might be enough to make a 10 pound Chihuahua very sick. To play it safe, she told me give him some hydrogen peroxide to make him throw it back up. (Hydrogen peroxide, I learned that night, works like a charm if you want to induce vomiting in dogs.)

Ike is infamous at my house for devouring the entire double batch of pepperoni balls my wife had made for a school function. Next day’s hunt he turned in one of the best performances of his life on roosters, although he had to stop frequently to expel pepperoni. Pam was not amused when I suggested she make pepperoni balls for Ike before every hunt.

I am forever amazed at what dogs can and will eat, so that’s today’s topic: “My dog at the _____.”


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My eldest black Lab, Dublin, loves vegetables. Last year, it was carrots, which I discovered after catching him pulling them up by the leaves. This year, he's into cucumbers, which he picks right from the vine.
Aengus, the younger Black, isn't quite as discriminating. He'll eat about anything alive or dead, animal, vegetable, mineral or man-made.


My wife and I house sat for a couple at our church. The old boxer they had got real sick one night and we thought it was going to die. The next morning we found out what it's problem was. It pooped out a big ol hair band and puked up a lacy leopard thong. We told the owners about the thong, etc and they (she) said she doesn't wear thongs. Long story short, they had a teenage girl watch the dog a month prior and the dog was carrying the thong in its gut the whole time.

Dan D.

Our 1st lab ate a whole bowl of Hershey Kisses around Christmas time one year. Soon after that, he chewed the head off of a disposable bic razor blade. Called the Vet and he said not to worry about it in a dog his size....but to check his "droppings" to make sure he passed it. Well the next couple of days I did just that and he passed it just fine.....along with the red, green and silver wrappers that he ate with the kisses. That dog ate more things than I can counts anyways. Socks, hats, dental floss and even my Catholic school blazer when i was in the 7th grade!

One last thing he ate.....when he was about a year old he broke his tail. It was around Christmas again and all the kid were home babying him for a week. Well vacation ended and my mom threw him out of the house for some peace and quiet. He proceeded to tear up and eat some of a 5 ft row of cedar shingles off the house because he was pissed.

Sorry for the long post, brought back some memories of that dog. He was a pisser!



My wife baked a fresh apple pie and left it on the kitchen counter while our young golden retriever Buck was loose in the house. Hearing the pie dish hit the floor, rushed to the kitchen to see Buck vamoosing it the other direction. The pie tin was upside down on the floor. Sure we had arrived in the nick of time and thinking to save the pie, we carefully slid a flat cookie sheet under the pie tin and deftly flipped the sheet and pie tin over to find the tin was empty! That was just the start of a long line of destruction including couch cushions, blankets and shoes.


Ah, the tinsel and glamour of owning a bird dog…..

My first setter was the most notorious food thief I’ve ever seen. I’d go through 10-lbs of cat food to the ratio of 2-lbs of dog food. This setter also had an injury that made it difficult for him to pass bones. He would, of course, consistently find a dead varmint, swallow the bones, and have a blockage. The vet bills I paid on that dog would easily buy a Beretta EELL O/U! The fact, I spent half this dog’s life a matriculated college student makes makes for loving memories.

My present Britney loves shit. Horse shit, cat shit, deer shit, cow shit…even her own shit. The spicy stuff makes her sick…..in the house…at 3am…in the bedroom..on my side.

BTW have you noticed that a 25-lb pup can easily throw up 60-lbs of puke!!!!!!


For the longest time my wife and I couldn't figure out how the cats would track so much litter onto our bed. Then my wife caught our boxer going back and forth to the litter box, climbing into our bed and having a nice cat turd snack.

My wife worked at a vet clinic in college and she said there were clients that had the meanest dog in the world. It was a dalmation and when they brought it to the clinic they left it in the back seat, threw a blanket over it and gave it the shots through the blanket. The owners were so afraid of it that if they woke up before it did, they had to tiptoe around the house. One weekend they went someplace and left the dog home. When they got home they felt so bad for the dog they went and bought it a large pizza. The dog proceeded to eat the entire pizza and died.

Steve C

We have a Golden Retriever that the family adores. A week ago my wife gave her my son's medication instead of the stuff she's suppose to get for an minor autoimmune deficiency she has. Wife panics, I console dog while she calls the vet poison control, and a few minutes later Bailey is lapping up hydrogen peroxide-laced peanut butter. Like you said, works like a charm. But I could see the concern in her (the dog's) eyes as she was puking all over our new $9K floors. The wife now couldn't get her to eat a tenderlion if her life depended on it. Pavlov's dog, I guess.


My lab Magnum was like most any other lab, and would eat anything he could get his face on - ziplock bags, shoes, it really didn't matter.

My German Shepherd was another story. She was very discriminating. She would only eat her normal dogfood if she was left alone. She wouldn't eat much else, with two exceptions. One, you were asking for trouble if you got between her and chicken in any form. Other meats were not interesting to her, but chicken was like crack. The other was rocks. Garden, creek-bed, it didn't matter. She would chew on any rock she could find. By the time she died, her teeth were worn down to the gums - we never could get her to stop, no matter what we did. One of the funniest things to see was to watch her try in vain to dig up the concrete base that my old basket-ball goal post had been set in. She would spend hours pawing and digging, whining and barking at it, but never got anywhere. Good times.


May I have the peperoni ball recipe for the balls Ike ate? I have never heard of them and they sound good. Thanks Kitty

Jason H

Cooper my 4 year old Chocolate Lab has eaten many interesting things. The list goes something like this: 2 MP3 Players with batteries, 2 Grill Covers, 1 Hammock, 1 Grill Igniter with AA Battery, a bowl of brownie mix, carrots, brocoli, three or four dog beds, and a variety of other oddities. However he will not eat birds that have been shot which seems to be the one thing he is picky with.


... my roses. My Newfy, Beau, ate all my rose bushes. I heard him whining and went out just in time to see him pass a mangled foot long rose stem with thorns intact. Ouch!

Took me awhile to figure out why he snubbed his dog food. A woman and her daughter were living at my house at the time. They hated leftovers, so after their once a week steak dinner with her father she was feeding him leftover porterhouse and tenderloin. Spoiled mutt ....


My bird dog ate grouse, woodcock, quail, and pheasant ... we don't take him hunting anymore.

(just kidding)

Blue Ox

A few years back, my wife got me one of them mounted 'jackalopes' you always see in outdoor joints, usually in the gift aisle. I hung it about eye-level (for me, anyway) just over six feet from the floor.
Anywho, I came home from work one morning and found two palm-sized paw prints on the wall, and an empty space where the jackalope had been. The big dummy had eaten the fur, the antlers, the foam rabbit form, glass eyes, pins and all. Even the board it was mounted on had been bitten in half.
Dumb dog.


I came home one night to find that my wife had rolled up a rug that was in the living room and tossed it to the bottom of the basement stairs. I asked what happened and she told me how our Lab Shadow had laid down at her feet and proceeded to throw up an intact tennis ball. I dragged the carpet out to the tree lawn rather than clean it. When I came home the next night from work it was gone from the curb. My wife said some one drove up looked at it and threw it in their car with out un rolling it.

jim in nc

Ayana, our setter, once inhaled a 2-pound salmon mousse off the coffee table while we were in the kitchen getting drinks. Exquisite taste.


I used to have a beagle mix that would eat anything: wood, rocks, termites... We came home one evening to find that she had gotten into the cabinet under the kitchen sink and had eaten the bottle of drain cleaner. (We found the remains of the plastic bottle on the floor.)

So, it's off to the vet with her, who said it took five people to hold her down so he could get the activated charcoal down her throat. When she got home she was happy as a clam, pooped out the charcoal the next day and proceeded to eat the sheetrock off the wall in the hallway.

Kids aren't much better than dogs, however. One time my son pooped in the bathtub during his bath (he was probably about 3 years old at the time). We took him out, drained the water, went to get paper towels and bleach to clean the tub out, and, when we got back the poop was gone, and the dog was standing there in the bathtub, licking her chops.

Strange animal, but she was the sweetest dog on the planet. I never let her kiss me after that incident, though.


Hmmm ammonita mushrooms, caught that one bite in, various garden plants, roses, just the flowers, no stems for my beagle. Lets see, baggies, beer, any food he gets near, oreo cookies... I think that about covers it. He's 14 and a half now... hasn't done much harm far as we can tell.


I've had a lot of dogs that ate a lot of things but the most memorable was a Lab-Weimaranar mix who would eat licorice mulch at the rate of 50lbs every 2 weeks and would track crickets by nose to eat them as well.


I have a half Lab half Bulldog, a Bullador if you will. When he was a year old UPS deliverd a Christmas present from an uncle. The driver left the box on the porch. It was one of those premium cookie samplers, 5 pounds of gourmet cookies to be exact. He ate every last one of them! Same dog a year later ate a set of in velvet Caribou antlers. He also chewed up over $300 worth of garden hose. I also had a beagle who had a thing for any kind of food seasoned with sage. For him it was like catnip... He would stand at the stove while we were cooking and drool a puddle around his feet. Talk about Pavlov's dog...


Had a siberian huskey that loved plastic. He would eat a whole wading pool in about 2 weeks, every 2 weeks. Some of the more memorable were the time he ate the neighbor kids big wheel tricycle, left just the metal axel, eating the phone box off the house, and the time he ate 20 cassettes. Just a note on that last one, dogs can digest the plastic housing on a cassette, but actual film in the cassette. Anyone else ever had to pull 20 foot of abba out of a dog?


Had a siberian huskey that loved plastic. He would eat a whole wading pool in about 2 weeks, every 2 weeks. Some of the more memorable were the time he ate the neighbor kids big wheel tricycle, left just the metal axel, eating the phone box off the house, and the time he ate 20 cassettes. Just a note on that last one, dogs can digest the plastic housing on a cassette, but actual film in the cassette. Anyone else ever had to pull 20 foot of abba out of a dog?

as moeggs

My buddy Doug had a big lab that got a hold of a vcr tape. The only thing left was a corner of the cassette. No ribbon-nothing.


This blog is too good to be true. Over my life I've had a dozen dogs. Here is a list of things they didn't eat:


My mutt once ate a six-foot rubber toy snake.


Well, just got our black lab back from the vet this afternoon.

Silly bastard eats anything, but he loves to pick a log out of the woodpile and turn it into toothpicks. This time, I guess he got one with a black widow on it.

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