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October 15, 2008

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Bourjaily: My Dog Ate the _________?

When you have dogs, you spend a lot of time cleaning up after them. In the process, you learn more about their dietary habits than you ever wanted to know. For instance, I can tell you that Jed loves to eat foam earplugs even though I’ve never actually seen him with one in his mouth.

It could be worse. The earplugs pass through his system intact, and the day-glo foam stands out like little beacons in the backyard, making it easy to spot the messes for clean up.

Ike, my old dog, has a nose for chocolate. A few years ago my mom sent each of my boys a pound of chocolate coins for Christmas. She neglected to tell us what was in the boxes, so on Christmas Eve we put them under the tree with the other gifts. We came home after midnight mass to find Ike had torn open both packages, carefully unwrapped every single coin, and eaten them all.

Chocolate is supposedly deadly poison to dogs, I dialed my vet’s emergency number and woke the doctor on call at 1:30 Christmas morning. She was very nice, considering. She asked me what kind of chocolate it was – milk (not so bad) or dark (very bad)  – did some calculations and told me two pounds of milk chocolate was nowhere near the lethal dose for a 62-pound setter, although it might be enough to make a 10 pound Chihuahua very sick. To play it safe, she told me give him some hydrogen peroxide to make him throw it back up. (Hydrogen peroxide, I learned that night, works like a charm if you want to induce vomiting in dogs.)

Ike is infamous at my house for devouring the entire double batch of pepperoni balls my wife had made for a school function. Next day’s hunt he turned in one of the best performances of his life on roosters, although he had to stop frequently to expel pepperoni. Pam was not amused when I suggested she make pepperoni balls for Ike before every hunt.

I am forever amazed at what dogs can and will eat, so that’s today’s topic: “My dog at the _____.”

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Comments

JC

Graphic -
My friend had to answer nature's call while duck hunting. We came to find later that our lab, Bailey, had eaten the remains. No one would talk to Bailey for awhile after that.

Big O

My wife has a min-pin that eats brussel sprouts, and asparigas. Beat that.

Big O

My wife has a min-pin that likes brussel sprouts, and asperigas, and I once saw a Pit bull eat an entire squirel(whole)beat that.

Jim in Mo

Big O, your wifes doing the right thing, dogs love vegs. fresh or frozen. My nephew has a mastif that will eat a five lb. bag of ice cubes in no time flat. Big ass dog near broke my knee cap.

Dr. Ralph

Just walked in the door and immediately thought of this blog... add feather duster to the list. What an ungodly mess. I didn't even know they made these stupid things anymore, much less that we USED to have one.

Jim in Mo

Dr. R,
Forgot about the useless feather duster? Just wait till you come home and find the useless paper vacuum collector bag (that you didn't know you still had) not only torn up in the living room but apparently run through the dining and kitchen rooms being shaken violently. God love them dachsunds.

Ralphimus Maximus

Blondie's eating trick or treaters' bags tonight... jumped the doggy door twice. Little kids and candy are an irresistible combo pack.

The hunt's off. Funeral tomorrow obviously not my side of the family tree.

Ralpharoni

Oh yeah... and now tampons or sewer rats. We have a septic tank that hates them, so Blondie sneaks in the bathroom. I know everyone needed to hear that.

SilverArrow

Last weekend before the election; gotta know that the Obama-nuts will be out in force. Brownie will be here to make sure they stay away from our place!
SA

Bubba

A dog's appetite is an amazing thing.
I've had several dogs, several different makes.
You want a dog that will drive you nuts?! Try a JRT! Yep, Jack Russell Terrier!
For the uninitiated, that's a small 110V dog wired to 440V!
The ONLY one belonged to my daughter. If her nose ever cleared the door, she was a cartoon white streak. She attacked chickens, horses, other dogs, neighbors, skunks, vehicles. The only thing that would send her scurrying for home was a tractor!?
The wife and I worked opposite shifts for a time. As I went to bed, I asked wife to leave me a couple of dollars on the kitchen table. When I got up, I was surprised to find a $20 bill in a neatly tattered pile on the table. No piece larger than a little finger nail!

Boo on JRT's!

Bubba

Dr. Ralph

Bubba, JRT actually stands for Jack Russell Terrorist... one of my best friends has one and it never slows down. You nailed it when you said wired to 440!

Dr. Ralph

Fear and loathing while cleaning the puppy poo... something strange in the air. Chewed up paper. Hmmmm... looks like an official document or such. Hawaiian birth certificate? Need to find the rightful owner before drowning myself in Tennessee sippin whiskey.




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