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September 11, 2008

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Bourjaily: You Might Be a Redneck Gun Nut If . . .

Let’s try something different here today. This will be the, “You might be a redneck gun nut” thread. We’re trying to come up with the most redneck thing we have ever seen on the range or in the field. If it’s not true, it has to be funny, and it has to top mine, which I actually saw at the range today.

You might be a redneck gun nut if:  you use two 40-packs of Pampers instead of sandbags when you sight in your muzzleloader.


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Dan R.

I have not laughed that hard in a long time! I can't top that one, but thanks for the laugh.

Duck Creek Dick

Your sporting clay/trap/hunting shotgun is a Remington 11-48 you bought for $150 bucks 35 years ago.

Duck Creek Dick

Your idea of an air freshener is Hoppe's No. 9.  Your best hunting dog ever came from the Denver pound.You find that for bird hunting a $50 pair of jungle boots is better than a $200 pair of Danners.

September 11, 2001 and December 7, 1941 still mean something to you.

David Boones

You're idea of a night out on the town is dinner and gun gawking at Bass Pro Shops

You store all your valuables in gun cases

Your idea of a locksmith is a 10 gauge


You might be a redneck gun nut if you only drink beer to shoot the cans with your .22 afterwards

Tom Sorenson

Love it! That's just too funny!

@Duck Creek Dick - I decided long ago, I wouldn't marry till I found a woman that thought Hoppe's #9 was a good cologne. I didn't find her. I married anyways.


You might be a redneck gun nut if you start running short of lead in your reloader and augment in a few corn kernels into your loads (witnessed).


You frequently trim the trees around your house with 1-1/8 oz of #7-1/2 lead from you 12 ga. Charles Daly.


1. Your grandmother has 'ammo' on her Christmas list.
2. The birdfeeder in your yard has spinner plates, and 50 lbs. of corn.
3. Your lifetime goal is NRA "Life".
4. You can't burn the stumps in your yard, cause your wife doesn't want "lead in the house".
5. Your "home entertainment" is shooting dragonflies with a BB gun.
6. You come back from the "local range", with more empties than you shot...right, Dave?


...if you thought a 12 gauge would get rid of buzzards...until you dropped a few only to have 30 more show up in the backyard to eat them.

Blue Ox

Hoppes No. 9 as air freshener-guilty as charged.
I'll dab some on my neck, too.

Dr. Ralph

You pull over to the side of the road after spotlighting a coyote, stick a gun out the window and notice a Sheriff's car behind you...

You know your local Sheriff is a redneck when he walks up to your truck and asks you why the hell you didn't shoot...

True story.

Dr. Ralph

Everything on your Christmas wish list can be bought at Bass Pro, Cabela's, or Academy Sports...

Your sandbags used to hold down barrels alongside the interstate...

You have a pile of empty shotgun shells at least two feet tall and four feet in diameter somewhere in your backyard...


Your idea of recycling is to save all your tin cans for targets for your kids.


ya might be a redneck if yer dooryard is paved with empty, .22 hulls(and you emptied them there,true), also if you can make an ole SShot shotgun bark fast as others shoot their ole 97's(and it doesn't bother ya the least that it's a wire twist barrel, after all thats whut lite loads were made for..:-).


Hey! I resemble that remark!


Hey! I resemble that remark!

Tony C.

You might be a redneck gun nut if your idea of a good gun rest is the hood of your truck.


Might be a redneck if you take your wife to Cabelas on your honeymoon. Read that one a couple years ago in wedding announcements in Northern Michigan. Some folks from Alba got hitched and went to Dundee, MI on their honeymoon to visit Cabelas.


...if you have 3 cars, one for the road, one for the trail, and one to sit in the back yard with two doors missing, no glass and about 20 pounds of lead inside swiss cheese-looking holes.



When you decide to give your best rifle that "total camo" look with a few spray cans of Krylon olive and brown, and forget to put your scope covers on.


If you AND your son both sport identical scope cuts on the bridge of your noses.
True story


When somebody asks you how many guns you got?, You run out of fingers and start takin' off yer

your wooden stock is wired together and there is a bullet hole in the butt end.(Saw that one this weekend)


You might be a gun nut if you can remember the names of each of your guns than the names your own children.

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