David E. Petzal - The Gun Nut

I reported to the Army for active duty on November 19, 1963. In those days it was customary for new trainees to spend three days at a reception center where we were given tests and shots, issued our uniforms, and threatened with barbed-wire city if we screwed up. Part of the issue was our dress greens, or Class A uniform, and the Army took a surprising amount of care with these, tailoring them to fit, and then delivering them to our basic training companies where they would catch up with us.

We arrived at November Company, 4th Tng Rgt, Ft. Dix, New Jersey, on November 22, 1963, at just about the time that news of John Kennedy's assassination was beginning to spread. The United States of America, and the U.S. Army, simply shut down for a while. We were left in our barracks to spit-shine boots and polish the lacquer off brass belt buckles. And for some inconceivable reason, during that time, my Class A uniform arrived. No one elses', just mine.

Thanksgiving came, and the Fourth Regiment mess hall served a turkey dinner, but to get in the mess hall, you had to show up in a Class A uniform. No fatigues on Thanksgiving, men. Well, what the hell. I put on my new green suit, went to the mess hall, and ate myself stupid. The rest of November Company ate candy bars at the PX.

And to all of you, I hope that your Class A uniforms, in whatever form, show up in time for this Thanksgiving.

John Wootters, who is retired now but was a wonderful writer and a true expert on whitetails, tried for more than 40 years to get a B and C buck, but never succeeded. (He did, however, shoot some doozers.) The big ones are simply not disposed to being shot, but I think that all of us have seen some monsters that will haunt us for all our days.

I saw one such deer last week in Maine, in my vehicle, driving back to camp along a logging road at 4:40 in the evening, which was right at the end of legal light. He had just crossed the road, and his head was already in the brush on the other side, but I got a good look at his body, and he was either:

a) an honest-to-God 300-pounder
b) an off-color moose
c) Rosie O'Donnell in a taupe-colored fur coat

I vote for a) because in that part of northern Maine, 240-pound deer are, while not common, certainly not unusual, and once in a while you're bound to find one that goes beyond 240. I thought for a second about yanking my rifle out of its case, shoving in a round, and going in after him, but it was after hours, and the warden who patrols those roads is a pitiless man who knows not the meaning of mercy.

I will always wonder what kind of a rack he had. Probably pretty good, because the headgear up there, while not pretty, gets big. On the other hand, if I had seen his horns I might have burst into tears and disgraced myself.

What the hell. That monster is still out there, and unless the snow or the coyotes get him, I may see him again next November. In the meanwhile, to tide us over until then, here is another photo of Ms. Beau Garrett.

Editor’s Note: Dave is out of the office today, and so I thought we’d post something a little different on the blog. The air rifle reviews below also appear in our latest issue (the December/January double), in the FieldTest section.

Why get an air rifle? Because in a time when places to shoot are growing scarcer, these guns are quieter than .22s, and their pellets travel only one-quarter the distance. Because a box of 50 .22 Long Rifle rounds costs around $2.60, but a tin of 500 .177 pellets goes for $6.30. Because good .22s now cost as much as big-game rifles did a few years ago, but good pellet guns can still be had, with scope, for less than $300. Because you need the practice, and an air rifle can give it to you.

The Test
All five guns tested were hunter-plinker models, not target air rifles, which are a different breed altogether. I shot them from a benchrest and offhand at 15 yards. Most air rifles require that you run 500 to 1,000 rounds through them before they really start to shoot, so I’ve omitted anything specific about accuracy. I used a variety of pellets; just like powder-burning rifles, air guns are particular about what they eat. There is no shortage of pellet types, either. RWS alone makes five varieties.