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Chad Love: Your Mama Kills Turkeys
Ah, Thanksgiving. How I enjoy the enthusiastic communal consumption of a ruthlessly slaughtered and dismembered bird whose only crime was to be born with delicious breasts.
At least that's how the nutters at PETA see it, and they've released a little Thanksgiving Game to illustrate just how gory and wrong consuming a turkey is.
Only problem is, the game is more hilarious than gruesome and hopefully it will lead to a spike in both turkey homicide and sales of the video game it parodies.
We shouldn't be surprised, of course. Thanksgiving seems to be of particular irritation to the light-in-the-pleather-loafers weirdos at PETA, who would rather see us all be eating this stuff called tofurky.
Looks yummy, doesn't it?
So in the spirit of PETA's noble attempt, I'll think I'll try my hand at celebrating a more humane Thanksgiving by killing my turkey as quickly as possible. I think I might try a Gobbler Guillotine. You've got to see this video.
Mmm - that stuff looks great! I mean why would I waste my time on the real deal when I could exchange it for a fake that tastes like crap?! Sign me up!
Great video, too, by the way. I think I'll take a turkey on the table this year over something from a box that just sickens me to look at!
Posted by: Tom Sorenson | November 20, 2008 at 11:39 AM
If it is true that soy lowers sperm count then vegans are less likely to reproduce and pass their lifestyle on to their kids. Ironic, isn't it?
As for the gobble guillotine ... reminds me of butchering chickens when I was a kid. My dad would use a hatchet and a block, but grandma and us kids would just ring their necks - hold their heads while quickly snapping the wrist in a circle, tossing the body a few feet away. Most birds (and onlooking girls) would thrash about and some would run for a bit. Never heard of a beheaded gobbler running, though. Also, grandpa would just stab beef cattle in the neck with a sharp knife and let them bleed out. That was quite effective and saved a bullet or a miscue with a sledge. Bullets were saved for hunting, vipers, villains, or a horse or dog that needed to be put down. Life was so simple in the country.
Posted by: Mike | November 20, 2008 at 11:45 AM
The PETA people are retarted. End of discussion. I read an interview of the co-founder of PETA in time magazine and i knew that the people were against the killing of animals, but this was WAY worse. She was 100% against all eating of meat and killing of animals. She also is against the mistreatment of animals, but thinks that michael vick will help out the community animals outreaches. Yea right. Good luck with that lady.
Nate
Posted by: I'm in school right now | November 20, 2008 at 01:05 PM
haha. oh PETA. are they good for anything? although i must admit, the game was quite entertaining and i can't wait for my real turkey dinner this thanksgiving!!
Posted by: zak | November 20, 2008 at 01:44 PM
I guess the only thing cooler than the guillotine would be squeezing the trigger just as a big tom peeked down into the barrel...
Posted by: Blue Ox | November 20, 2008 at 04:30 PM
that little game has to be the most stupid attempt by PETA yet.. turkey is tradition.. as for the guillotine. one word.. AWESOME
Posted by: km | November 20, 2008 at 07:08 PM
are these people sick in the head?
Posted by: jerry k | November 20, 2008 at 08:31 PM
wow, nuttier than a snickers bar!
Posted by: Scrap5000 | November 20, 2008 at 08:46 PM
Ha ha! That game was a laugh riot. I 'specially enjoyed getting the "Meaner Than Mama" rating on beheading the turkey. (Hint to PETA: those of us who still behead our own birds don't use a saw. When I decapitate quail and dove, I use a poultry shears. On a turkey, I'd use a cleaver.)
Unapologetically carnivorous -- MD
Posted by: Mike Diehl | November 21, 2008 at 11:00 AM
P.S. My son's reaction to mourning dove is "I love dove, with ketchup!"
Posted by: Mike Diehl | November 21, 2008 at 11:01 AM
The paradox w/PETA and their film about the horrid conditions pen raised turkeys live in is that PETA will still object to fair chase hunts of wild turkeys, who as we all know are very smart and have the odds stacked in their favor.
Posted by: JohnR | November 21, 2008 at 11:53 AM
I don't know how many of you have a subscription to Sports Illustrated, but i do and there was a 6 or 7 page article on the decline of hunting. This guy i think nailed it mostly on the spot. He referred to a bar in New York City where people would come dressed up in camo and/or blaze orange to play a hunting video game. He also said that huge online game tournaments are held all the time. He said that the number of hunters in the u.s. has declined by 10%. I didn't know that it was that much.
I think you guys should check out the article.
Nate
Posted by: I'm in school right now | November 21, 2008 at 01:07 PM
I wish PETA would have a comments section with that little game so I could thank them for making something so hilarious!!!!! Haven't laughed that hard in a while.
Posted by: Matt | November 21, 2008 at 02:22 PM
Im not a fan of PETA at all but i also dont agree that we should be callin them weirdos and such, were hunters and should take the higher road
Posted by: | November 23, 2008 at 10:38 AM
PETA is just a bunch of idiots
Posted by: The Man | November 25, 2008 at 01:15 PM