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September 29, 2008

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David E. Petzal's Guide to the Presidential Election

Fellow Americans, bloggers, and bitter gun clutchers: In the past tumultuous weeks, I have been asked:

"How does an educated man like yourself, a person of taste, culture, and intellect, a registered Independent since 1964, support the Republican ticket over the Democrat? How can you be a one-issue voter?"

Or, more directly: "Have you lost your f*****g mind?"

My friends, I am paid to write about guns, hunting, and politics as it applies to guns and hunting. My mandate does not extend further. Because of this, I'm a captive of circumstance. The Democrats nominated an atrocious pair of anti-gunners, and the Republicans nominated one neutral and possibly the strongest pro-gun candidate ever. All I can do is report on what they say; however, this does not mean I've ignored their other qualifications, or lack thereof. So, lest I be thought shallow and superficial, here is how I rank the four candidates, quite apart from firearms.

Overall, the situation was summed up by Carl Hiaasen, who said of another election that you could throw a net over a park bench and do better. In a time when we stand in greater peril than ever before, the men and women who really could do the job are not stepping forward. What persons with an ounce of self-respect would subject themselves to being a presidential or vice-presidential candidate in the year 2008?

But, my fellow Americans, lest I be thought superficial, here is a brief summation of each candidate as I see him or her:

John McCain: A mid-20th-century man trying to get a handle on the 21st century and failing. Sort of like me. However, I know how to send an e-mail. He is about as interested in gun legislation as he is in acquiring a third wife with no money.

Sarah Palin: I would go moose hunting with her any day, but as for the rest of it…

Barack Obama: Our best orator in years, provided he has a teleprompter. He ran a fine campaign against Hillary, who ran a terrible campaign. His major qualification seems to be the 143 days he has spent in the Senate.

Joe Biden: I had thought of him as merely one more spavined Senate hack. However, he is proving himself to be a major buffoon. I expect that any day now, he will claim he owns the laptop on which Lincoln composed the Gettysburg Address. Biden has it in him, if elected, to take his place alongside Dan Quayle and Spiro Agnew in the pantheon of Truly Embarrassing Vice Presidents.

And so, my friends, let me close by borrowing a page from blogger Clay Cooper, and present you with three quotes that sum things up with an eloquence far greater than my own:

"The party's over."—Willie Nelson

"Indeed, I tremble for my country when I reflect that God is just."—Thomas Jefferson

"And in that time shall men seek death, and shall not find it, and shall desire to die, and death shall flee from them."—The Book of Revelations

"Things fall apart. The center cannot hold."--W.B. Yeats

Thank you, and good night. And will the last person out please turn off the lights?

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Comments

KJ

And a happy Monday to you, too.

Dave M

Dave, That's four quotes and, unfortunately, all of them are appropriate to our current situation...I'll catch the lights.

Mark-1

Our trouble is we’re too brilliant, Dave, and we’re surrounded by mental deficients and c88k su##ers.

Ah…..where’s the light switch?

O yes. Stock piling gas and ammo. Planted extra rows of corn, beans, and potatoes.

Jay

I wanted Romney or Huckabee; I'll vote for McCain as Obama is just a bad mistake. If my pastor said the same things the Rev. Wright was saying; I would have walked out and never went back. Folks beatup on Palin for not having any experience but the head of the democratic ticket hasn't finished 1 term in the senate and has spent most of his time campaigning for president, voting "present" 95% of the time. Thats really taking a position.

Off the topic, I'm thinking about purchasing a 1911 pistol before Obama raises taxes on guns/ammo so high that I won't be able to afford one. I know this is kinda like a ford/chevy debate but I've got my choices down to a Kimber or Sprinfield Armory - let the debate begin.

jack

The choice is that of a man dying of thirst, on a sinking timber adrift in the middle of the ocean.

Geez David, for those who weren't depressed enough yet, you certainly clarified things.

(hoping the sarcasm translates well in printed form)

YooperJack

Dave Petzal:
Along with what Jay posted, are 1911 pistols all ambidextrous? I've been thinking about buying something also. I like the 45ACP but always thought that revolvers would be better for LH shooters. 1911 pistols were carried by a lot of our soldiers, so there must have been some provision for us southpaws. I'm considering this much more, now that BHO might be our next POTUS.
YooperJack
P.S. Anyone else notice the goings on in MO? Looks like BHO and NRA are in a catfight.

Jay

YooperJack,

Some are ambidextrous and some are not.

I live in Illinois just east of St. Louis, so I all my TV and Radio stations are St. Louis. I see the adds. Illinois is the most liberal state in the country thanks to all the crooks like Obama up in Chicago. If I didn't have three kids in school I'd move to Missouri in a heart beat. Right to carry, way cheaper property taxes (I pay over $7000 a year).

Mike

The ignorance of the masses is most evident during elections. Should I also mention gullibility?

You can turn out the lights but you can't hide.

I prefer a Springfield 1911. But, shoot them both, take them apart and put them back together, and then decide.

Duck Creek Dick

The economy is going to hell in a handbasket. Enemies of the U.S. sense our vulnerability. The 2008 presidential campaign plumbs new depths. Dave Petzal today "comes to us with a heavy heart."
So why am I so happy? Fall is in the air. My two setters are frisky. Bird season is at hand. Don't sweat the small stuff.

harold

Well, I look at it this way: One party is friendly to guns but not to habitiat, which equates to good hunting. The other party is pretty much the reverse. Since I like both guns and hunting, it is in my best interest not to let any one party stay in power too long.

Sure there's a risk that if Sen. O. gets elected that Biden, Feinstein, et al will try some funny business, even though they've got a lot of problems on their plate they need to deal with instead of things like "the gun-show loophole" or whatever. But if we do, that's what we have the NRA for and I'm a member!

andrew

Obama now claims to support hunting and defend gun rights, but his record and his selection on Joe Biden cast doubt on his conversion. I am about to dedicate a page to Joe Biden on DonkeySlap.com. He's turned into your typical politican who us what we want to hear. I'll never trust a guy who loves handing out food stamps, but looks down on people who shot their own food.

Dave Petzal

To everyone: The fourth quote from Yeats was sent in after I had already submitted the copy, and I forgot to change three to four. Here is a fifth, which is also highly appropriate for the assorted oafs, dunces, and frauds that constitute Congress:

"You have sat here too long for any good you have done. It is meet that you now depart and make way for better men. Go! In the name of God, go!"--Oliver Cromwell to Parliament

What persons with an ounce of self-respect would subject themselves to being a presidential or vice-presidential candidate in the year 2008? DEP

That is the $700 million dollar question! Who would want that kind of scrutiny and privacy invasion? Look at what the Palin family has already endured. Sad indeed!

Will we at some point make the process more amenable to highly qualified people? I am not optimistic!

Stocking my ammo locker I am;
SA

PbHead

Jay, get a Springfield 1911 to support the firearm industry that some how thrives in our People's Republic of Illinois. Also, check out a genuine Colt. You will not be disappointed.

Dave, have you thought of ghost writing speeches for Ms. Palin? You could accept that left handed rifle from Cabelas instead of cash payment. She would understand and you could stop after two or three speeches.

Beekeeper

Fellows, any politician from any party will say anything to get your vote. Most of them are lawyers... Do I need to say more...

Buy guns and stock up on ammo and reloading supplies before they get taxed out of reach.

Above all pray for our country we have never needed it more than we do now!

george

Jay - go for the Kimber 1911, spend the money for a custom shop pistol. Shoot it once and call Dennis in the Custom Shop to say "thanks". Mine shoots 3 shots into a quarter at 7 yards.

I used my Kimber to shoot both IPSC and IDPA for a season( with Dennis) and had only one stovepipe.

As for ambi... get one fitted on your Kimber and be happy.

Jason Norris

Since the House voted down the bailout plan, stocks are down over 500 points. Wonder how this is going to effect us middle class gunowners and hunters.

eyeball

This is an interesting subject on a day when the US Legislative branch is about to spend $700 billion of your money and mine on a truckload of bad paper, to paint over a problem that they allowed to happen in the first place.

The problem fixing the Wall Street flameout is that we have 535 legislators who are interested ONLY in
1. Making it look like they (each) were not to blame, though it happened right in front of them for the last 13 years;
2. Making it look like the other guys were to blame, though they were all there the whole time;
3. Making it look like they (each) were the (individual) one who fixed it, and
4. Making it look like the other guys were obstructionist and part of the problem rather than the solution.

Anyone think you can run a railroad this way?

Obama may be intellectually gifted, but in every other way he is a straight down the party line Chicago Democrat. He says nothing we haven't been hearing from every liberal since George McGovern in '72. If/when elected he will be incapable of making changes.

On the other hand, for a few fleeting moments over his career, McCain has actually gone against the party line to fix what he perceived to be problems. As he has done this for many years in the Senate, there is no reason to think he will stop once he is in the White House.

Voting for McCain may be like a drowning man grabbing at straws, but voting for Obama is grabbing at more water.

Beekeeper

Try this one on for size. How close the numbers are I haven't a clue: But here goes...

Supposedly if the government gave the 200 million tax payers in this country the 700 billion we would each get about $230,000 each. If the government then taxed us at the nominal rate with no deductions that would be about $80,000 per head going back to the IRS. That cetainly would let the average Joe pay off a huge amount of debt. It certainly would forestall foreclosure on those poor folks who fell prey to Fannie Mac and Freddie Mae, or is it the other way around...? Talk about an economic stimulas! As I type this tripe I just recieved word the bail out has been voted down and the stock market has plunged over 500 points...

Any of you math majors out there are welcome to give the number crunching a shot. I'm just a humble agronomist...

Michael

I do have problems with McCain ... but, tell your antagonist that I can not understand how any intelligent, thinking, logical, educated, and objective individual can possibly support Obama. I listen to him and am dumbfounded that people actually support him when his worldly, political, and economic ignorance and lack of experience are so evident. Poor Hillary is still in shock (I didn't support her either). Most Dems have just climbed on the bandwagon behind that horse. That horse might look good running downhill but is going to stumble when it reaches the hills. What happens to that bandwagon since the horse can't even make it up on its own.

Jim

All these rants and pro mccain write ups are coming from the same people who brought me 8 glorious years of George Bush and Dick Cheney.

I own guns, I hunt, I fish, and I will not vote for anyone who voted 90% with those clowns...

Charles

Thanks, Jim, for being the voice of reason.

YooperJack

After listening to most of Pelosi's speech, and hearing Barney Frank, I believe that ANYONE who wants to see Democrats in charge of our entire Government is not thinking! Those people are insane! They answer to one person; George Soros. They don't represent the American People. Well, maybe a few in New York and San Francisco. They sure don't represent us folk out in the sticks! When George says "Go get their guns", they'll spring into action.
YooperJack

Walt Smith

I look at how the current democrats in office stack up against gun rights. Pelosi, frank, schummer,clinton,then add biden and obama into the picture. Yup McCain?palin are getting my and my wifes votes.

eyeball

Beekeeper;

Sorry about this. But $700 billion divided by 200 million equals $3500 apiece. A nice piece of change, and if anyone wants to send that much to me, I'll send him my address. Not quite enough to get rich on, however.

Jim; that 90% figure gets thrown around too much. Most of the votes in the Senate are procedural, which lifts up the percentage. McCain will often agree with Bush because any two conservatives have a lot more in common than almost any conservative and almost any liberal. But Bush is not (NOT) a fiscal conservative. He tried to out-Democrat the Democrats in spending, and all he did was betray his Conservative base and make the Democrats hate him even more. McCain is a fiscal conservative.

Nobody who knows anything about economics who would vote for a tax raising liberal when the country is on the verge of a depression. Taxation pulls money right out of the economy at a time when the system needs an infusion of real capital. Cutting spending does that. I can tell you one thing Obama is absolutely, positively sure NOT to do; he is sure NOT to reduce spending, or even leave it where it is (which is already too high). The economy being what it is today, he is the wrong candidate to vote for this time around. If the economy is sound by 2012, you'll almost certainly have another chance. Vote for him then. I guarantee, he isn't going anywhere. Vote for him in four years; enjoy your guns until then.




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